The day we received our son’s autism diagnosis was also the day we were handed a stack of referrals – therapy, specialists, and services that would help us support him. Each one mattered, but the referral that stood out to me the most was for preschool. In that moment, I felt both the weight of his diagnosis and the spark of possibility.
I’ll be honest: I was more excited about the preschool referral than the others. Don’t get me wrong, the therapies and specialists are essential, but preschool felt different. It was a glimpse into a future I wasn’t sure we’d reach so soon. It meant opportunities, learning, and growth. Yet as quickly as excitement rushed in, so did the questions: Is my baby ready? He still clings to me. Separation is so hard. How will he manage without Mama by his side? It felt sudden, this leap into preschool, but still- I didn’t hesitate to start the enrollment process. Hope and fear sat side by side as I took that first step.
The Enrollment Process
Once we were referred, the phone calls began —the first of many from the school board. They scheduled a meet-and-greet and explained the enrollment process in detail. I quickly realized this wasn’t going to be a simple, one-and-done step.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it – it’s a lengthy process. There were phone calls, meetings with multiple people who would play a role in my son’s education, and an endless amount of paperwork. I found myself running back and forth, gathering documents, signing forms, and trying to get everything submitted on time. My inbox became something I checked constantly. Waiting for the next email with another task to complete or another appointment to attend.
But even in the middle of the overwhelm, there were moments of relief. At our very first meeting, my son exceeded my expectations. He played with toys, engaged with his environment, and exhibited behaviors that qualified him for the program. In that moment, I felt a wave of gratitude and a little more peace in my heart. It was a glimpse of hope that reminded me we were moving in the right direction.
The Emotions Behind It
Enrollment came with a mix of emotions. First and foremost, I felt an overwhelming pride in how far my child has come. Every step of this process reminded me that he is stronger and braver than I sometimes realize. I admire his fearlessness- while I tend to worry about the unknowns of new environments, new people, and whether he’ll be understood and supported, he doesn’t overthink. He dives in.
To my surprise, he quickly adapted to the preschool environment and hasn’t shed a single tear throughout the entire process. Watching his resilience has inspired me. He walks into each meeting and moment with a sense of curiosity and courage that I admire.
But for me as a mama, it hasn’t been quite so easy. I’ve had moments of grief- grief in letting go of this stage of early childhood, grief in realizing that my baby is growing up and taking steps into the world without me by his side every second. Those emotions come in waves, sometimes catching me off guard.
And yet, even in the grief, gratitude has been my anchor. I am grateful that God is opening doors, placing supportive people in our path, and providing growth opportunities that I never would have imagined when this journey first began. Gratitude that His hand is steady when my heart feels shaky.
Preparing My Heart
Through all the phone calls, paperwork, and emotions, I leaned heavily on my faith- on prayer, scripture, and journaling. The verse in Zechariah kept echoing in my heart: “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin (Zechariah 4:10). It reminded me that even these early steps, as overwhelming as they felt, were worth celebrating.
I held on to the assurance that God is with my son. He promises never to leave or forsake us. He is our shepherd, guiding each step, and where He guides, He also provides. That truth brought me peace when my emotions felt like a rollercoaster.
I had to learn to acknowledge those mixed emotions without guilt. I’m a mom- worry, pride, joy, and grief come with the job description. Some days I celebrate his courage, other days I grieve the passing of early childhood. Both were valid.
In the end, I surrendered the process to God and asked Him to walk ahead of our son, to prepare the teachers, the environment, and every detail we can’t control. And honestly, I found peace in knowing that even if he hadn’t been accepted into the program, it wouldn’t have been the end of the world. He wasn’t in the program before, and other services would have been available. God’s plan is never dependent on the program- His provision goes beyond paperwork.
So I’ve learned that preparing my heart for enrollment isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about loosening my grip, trusting the one who holds my child’s future, and believing that wherever this path leads, God will be there- guiding, providing, and never letting go.
Encouragement For Other Moms
Mama, you’re not alone if the enrollment process feels heavy. It’s a lot to carry —the forms, the meetings, the waiting —but even more so, the emotions that come with it.
It’s okay to both celebrate and grieve simultaneously. To be proud of how far your child has come, while also feeling the ache of letting go of this stage of early childhood. Both emotions can coexist, and both are valid.
Most of all, remember this: God holds both your heart and your child’s future in His hands. He goes before your little one, He walks beside you, and He provides what you both need for each step of the journey. You don’t have to do this alone.